it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think I sprained my soul last night
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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