I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
