Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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