I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
