Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
