your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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