i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
