I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
