How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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