I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
