You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
