I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
