I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
