There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
