omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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