Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
