So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
