Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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