I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
