I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
