I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize