mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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