Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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