I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
