My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
