just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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