Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
