Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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