Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
