it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
