It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
