She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
