god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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