You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
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