If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
