Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
