these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
