i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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