I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
