i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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