Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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