my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
