I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
God, I missed his penis.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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