just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sorry about my life...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
