he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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