Non-Jews are for practice
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
