In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
