did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
