i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
