seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
