i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
