I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
That accounts for only three of the penises
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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