wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
