i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
