Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
