Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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