i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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