i think my tv is drunk
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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