he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We had sex on a dog bed..
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
