Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
