dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
