all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize