I wanna passion pit in your ass
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
