the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Even my vagina gasped.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
