just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
