So gin and wine won't be happening again
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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