We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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