I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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