Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
