somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize