dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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