She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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