dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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