All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
that's an acceptable place to lick
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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