My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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