Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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