apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
