Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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